Be afraid; it is not easy

"Your children need your intact soul more than they need anything else from you."
Tina Pearson

This morning the ocean laps at the white sand of Willows Beach; I am content, satisfied, as full of salt and nutrients, wanting nothing but to shift my heavy waters in a tidal dance, to sink down and swell up in concert with all that other liquid life.

Colours morph, blue green goes gray, and a bulldozed bank of clouds at horizon blends new shades out of platinum water, blue sky, and sun sparkle. Constant change is the one thing we can count on.

I give thanks. Nothing is too small to escape the scrutiny of my gratitude. Scrape the barrel of your life and you will fill your belly with appreciation.

The children are with their dad this morning. I am alone at the beach, fully aware of the delicate and minute unfoldings of my vast and limitless soul. In a mountain town my lover prepares to start a new life with me, with us, at this water's edge.

In this new version of my life, my role of mother is redefined. In the beginning there was what I was given, what I didn't know. Then I opened my heart and I learned who I am not, only to have to face who I am now.

“Do I hear regret in your words?” Sometimes we need a teacher to point out our failings – Anne Douglas knows me. “What I see is that you absolutely couldn't have done this process any other way... because you didn't. The wounds, the disconnect, the betrayal, all arose within your brilliant Awareness for you to see through it ... and you DID!!! How excellent!”

My preconceptions and patterns were blasted out of the water of my karma, brought to light, and I am free to be me. As I uncurl from the fetal position, the intense pain of rebirth eases; I reconnect with friends, reopen to the world.

What else can I say, but find those opportunities life offers for transformation. Be afraid; it is not easy. The magic of neuroplasticity is potent, and it does require concentration, a certain stilling of the senses. Practice, practice, practice, pioneer, and I assure you, it is worth the work.

It feels brand new, like the first time. And this time there is no grouchy God to take away the apple. No. This gorgeous, holy body feels such pleasure, every cell, every curve of lovely skin, every chuckle, hiccup, burp, and fart is an expression of the divine.

Set your mark upon the path of the infinite. Go, take off your clothes and enjoy Eden.

And please, baby, tell me how it is for you.

the time we spend
as we pass this way,
we might not ever
be here again.
so hold on tight
to what you find
tom cochrane