Sex and Santa Claus

     "How do you make babies?" my sister's six-year-old twins asked her. She plunged into the description, gave her best answer at the mechanics and biology, covering all the bases, as it were, using appropriate vocabulary and keeping it developmentally relevant.
     "Oh," they nodded. "How do you make pillows?"
      Teaching our kids about sex when they're young makes it easier to talk about sex all along the way. Waiting until they're uncomfortable means they'll likely learn about it from all the wrong sources--and nowadays, they can access porn with a touch of a screen.
     My son caused a bit of a kerfluffle on his school yard this autumn when he talked about condoms with his ten-year-old peers and tried to keep it a secret from the girls and the "little" kids.
     He was busted for inappropriate language, keeping secrets, and excluding certain children.

Possibly--probably--he and his buddies were not sensitive to the developmental needs of the other kids, they were not aware of the discomfort they created in others, nor did he likely act with best practice in mind.
     Well, he's nine. And he's my son...
     Obviously it's not necessary to talk about orgasm exactly, or describe favourite or worst sexual experiences from a lifetime of participating in sex, however, I have not shied away from suggesting the sex is pleasurable and compelling. It also requires respect and communication, and obviously maturity of development.
     At a certain age, children find the idea a bit repulsive. After all, they've likely been taught to keep their privates private, and that these body parts are involved in excretion, which can denigrate them to a lowly (and often shameful) function. Elevating their higher purposes can certain combine the sublime with the slime, and many kids find this confusing.
     Acknowledging their feelings is always good. And suggesting that at some point they'll likely change their mind on this is also good.
     It's probably not a bad idea (before too long) to also broach the subjects of same sex relationships (your child might be at a different spot on the spectrum than you are) and masturbation, though on that last topic, you will likely have had ample opportunity quite early in their lives. Boys and girls need to know about puberty before it happens--and puberty manifests much earlier than you might expect (earlier than previous generations), with emotions, anger, sleep disturbances, attractions, head aches, and other symptoms. 
     Alberta's school sexual health curriculum can be found here: AB Education Sexual Health curriculum. Parents can get plenty of info here: Parent Portal: Teaching Sexual Health
    So they will learn it at school, but... you probably want to set the tone in your own family. Share your own values. Teach from your own experience. Help your kids learn by modeling communication and comfort with the subject.
     Parents can opt their children out of the sexual health lessons; although it's rare, it does happen. Imagine the message those kids get.
     A British study on sex ed reported that most students want to learn about sex at school, and from experts. In our province, sexual health is part of the overall curriculum and teachers are expected to teach it. You wouldn't insist that math be taught by a math expert. However, many teachers are uncomfortable with the topic, and give it cursory coverage at the end of the year. As the grades progress, the topics become more and more specific, and by grades 10 - 12, include outcomes like relationships, commitment, intimacy, values, trust, jealousy, choices regarding sexual expression, and consequences of being sexually active.
     I don't know about you, but I find it important to participate in these conversations with my kids.
     But think about it--how many parents do you know who actually know what their kids are learning in math, LA, and science at any point in the year?
     My point is, if you want to participate in your kids' understanding of sexual health, then get on it, and early!

     One topic that parents are fiercely interested in sharing and participating in is Santa Claus--another taboo subject in our culture. Santa's not taboo because he makes us uncomfortable, it's the Santa-doesn't-exist reveal that is the big cover up.

     Again, my younger son was involved in an episode in grade three when he told a classmate on the bus that Santa isn't real.
     Sure, he could have said "I don't believe in Santa," which is the line he's been asked to use now.

     But when a kid shouts out that this Emperor of Christmas Excess is not wearing his Santa suit, school S.W.A.T. teams are called in to defend the perimeter, and mighty efforts are made to be on Santa's side and "not spoil it for the kids who still believe."
     Sorry, but that's a load of codswallop, as far as I'm concerned. It's the Santa inquisition, only thankfully without the thumb screws.
     Think about it, parents. Although Santa Claus (and lately the Shelf Elf) are a lot of fun, include storytelling and make believe--and also sell a lot of products in December--what does the eventual and inevitable reveal reveal?

     It's fun until someone loses an eye. You've heard that, right? Santa's the same way--it's fun until your kid loses faith in your believability.
     I think the most appropriate way for me to put it is (and I'm not going to spoil it for anybody else's kids): "I don't believe in Santa."