right now, after the seventh day of this twenty-five-day practicum, i feel a gorgeous, golden april blessing, and i can admit i'm feeling better than after yesterday. the learning curve always remains one stretch ahead of me, with me running to catch up. somehow i have to learn to enjoy the ride... i miss my kids when they're not with me and i resent how much work this takes. but that's the lazy side of kinetic kat, i can see that. monday was a crazy day, kids were absolutely insane (the wind?). many people at school have made an effort to reach out and tell me that my practicum class is "really tough, the toughest in their career," that sort of thing, and that i shouldn't take it personally. my practicum supervisor (guru, sage, lovely woman)said it's not really fair for me to have to do my learning in a class like that, BUT i will learn a lot. i find it really tough to live in the world of school, the institutional setting, the rules (no climbing trees, the saddest rule of all), the contained and blocked energy, the struggles and difficulties, emerging adolescence, the clash of generations, rarely the grace of engaged focus. usually i feel irritation from the cacophony, the disturbance, the noise... maybe it's not for me??? but i have to keep going because it really is too soon to tell, n'est-ce pas? my practicum teacher is really awesome. unflappable, open, a leader who can take a back seat, a quiet force, a facilitator of others' strengths -- in short, a brilliant mentor. so, what the hell am i complaining about?
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