sunday morning

boys are not here this morning.
house is quiet.
their dad's house is not,
i'm sure.

last night andy and i played scrabble
with devi and josh. drank blackberry
dessert wine, and discussed god.

do you believe?
what do you believe?

as a child i was told this.
then i began to believe that.
spent my life substituting
one religion for another:
even yoga became another overlay of
the judeo christian brainwashing.

i am 44.
when my mother was 44
she left the mennonite church.
no small feat.

(that's a mennonite joke, we have big ones.
heres' another:
why don't mennonites have sex standing up?
because it could lead to dancing.)

so when devi asked for my thoughts about god
i had to admit that i don't think about god these days.
not that i reject, refute, or reneg.
i'm just taking a break from god.
whatever it is is,
and it will go on without my participation.
i don't have to make any sacrifice,
there's nothing i have to do differently than i do.

i'm just beginning to livemy life, navigating the waters
of every day expeditions. seeing the beauty, feeling the pain.

loving it all.